7 Days Till 30: musings

Posted by Lou The time is 4.00pm here in London UK

I've been thinking a lot lately about how when I was younger I perceived that Real Adults always sort of smiled patronisingly/ knowingly at the ideals of youth, and about how we all know that the hippie generation sold out, but none of us thought we would too.

Generally speaking I think I am a principled person who has managed to get to 30 with a strengthening of ideals and beliefs rather than a weakening... in some areas.

I have remained committed to my belief in equality, particularly in terms of gender, race and sexuality. And I am outspoken and active about acting on those beliefs, whether it be through refusing to accept sexism/ racism/ homophobia from friends or colleages, or though adding my voice to the masses in relation to corporations and government.

But fuck, I can't help but think I've totally sold out on a much higher and fundamental level by becoming the one thing I never wanted to be: a Consumer (the real C-word!).

Seven years ago when I left uni and joined the adult word, shunning the ease of using my highlly regarded degree to get a cushy corporate career position, I would have said I never want to be someone who does a dissatisfying job so that they can buy stuff when if they cut down their consumption they could take more risks to follow their dreams.

Yet here I am... yet I can't motivate or energise myself to do anything else, despite knowing people who have successfully thrown caution to the wind to follow their heart's desires [yes, Sonal - one of them is you!].

I tell myself that it's okay to go for money - particularly in my age group when you do want to pay off your student debts and improve your standard of life - but I can't help thinking that maybe I am just a sell-out?

I kind of feel like I do want to follow my dreams, but only if they pay good money...

Maybe in 20 years I will be the person who looks at their life and says "whoa, this is not what I was meant to be"?

But we all worry about this, right?

4 thoughts on “7 Days Till 30: musings”

  1. Hey Lou,

    well let me ask you something, do you feel this way because you've spent the last couple of years in a role that is unfulfilling?

    Sometimes the attachment to consumerism is a way of filling the gap in regards to things we (perhaps) feel we're missing out on.

    No-one can tell you what YOU think and feel about this one, or what your decisions should be. I can only say from my POV I want to get to the end of my life and still be joyous and in love with living.

    Even if I've made mistakes and fallen on my arse (and I've made plenty already) I won't regret a damn thing. Your call, freewill is a bitch sometimes isn't it :)

    Best of luck

  2. meh, let's be honest, I'm doing what I am now primarily because I needed a subject I was guaranteed to be accepted into an MA programme on (that also wouldn't make me slit my wrists in boredom)BECAUSE I wanted to be in the same city as the man I love. A piece of me feels like I've let the sisterhood down.

    Also, you're in London, it's just not that easy to get a job that runs with your passions as, well, it's London and every second you breathe in that place will cost you at least 50p. You may call it throwing caution to the wind, I call it not thinking ahead very well - which is why I am now massively in debt and with the exception of one weekend with Lottchen in Paris, haven't left the UK to see Europe in the four years I've been in and out.

    In hindsight, I should've taken the offer of a full time job with the Evil Empire but fate seems to have intervened. And, if David and I were still together, chances are I would still be at the WCC earning money and not doing what I loved. This time around I have kinda lucked out with the degree and Sam and his bro also being filmmakers. So you know, I wouldn't worry too much.

    Plus, I'll be needing a producer in a few years for a film that we could sell as a made-for-TV movie of the Hallmark style (i.e. an almost guaranteed money maker) - female protagonist and storyline ... that's if you're interested by then.

    I'll admit this much though, if you want to be doing film, the UK is not the place to do it. Especially not now.

  3. Sonal, I was your one and only? Aww, chuffed!

    Lou, I'm pretty sure I have something encouraging to say in regards to your post, but I am a little distracted by the dawning realisation that I haven't made the deadline to post something to reach you ON your birthday...

  4. Wow, CC & Sonal - you guys are The Business! (oops, that phrase is waaay too consumerist huh! haha)

    Lou - listen - there is no way that the old lady you described in an early post (AKA your grandmother) would look back on her life with regrets! You are too awesome for that!

    And yes I KNOW you will not be anywhere near grandmotherly age in 20 years, just shudddup!! ;P