If money was no object, I would still object

Posted by Bel. The time is 5:26pm here in Wellington, NZ.

Lou drew my attention to this article in the NZ Herald with its list of the world's most expensive wedding singers (ranging from $12M to a bargain basement $1.2M). I decided that expense was not the only way of ranking this 'big day' deal-breaker, and have added my own notes:

1 The Rolling Stones

These guys would be AWFUL at a wedding because, 1) they would drink all the piss, 2) they would shag half the bridesmaids and the mother-of-bride, and 3) they would steal the spotlight by then having a near O.D. and/or falling out of a tree and no one would remember who caught the bouquet.

2 Sir Elton John

He would be okaaay - except he would make snide comments about how your wedding is nowhere near as awesome as his was. And someone would request "Candle In The Wind" and turn your reception into an instant DOWNER. So scratch him.

2 (equal) Kylie Minogue

Hotter than the bride? She can fuck right off.

4 Christina Aguilera

See above. Hotties have no place at a wedding, this is well established.

3 George Michael

Just no. Isn't he still on probation anyway?

6 Amy Winehouse

I think a recently divorced junkie who is known for her dismal public performances may not be conduit to a happy wedding day. She would be kinda fun to have around beforehand when getting dressed though. (Perhaps not on hair and make-up duty however.)

(EDIT: Just added the photo and am changing my mind again. Dammit, Amy, I just can't quit you.)

6 equal Paul McCartney

I originally simply labelled him 'Boring Beatle', thinking this was reason enough to strike Sir Paul off the list. Then Lou pointed out a glaring omission: he has just been through quite possibly the century's messiest divorce. Let's err on the side of caution and not have our 'something old' not be a jinx on your nupitals.

('Something old' oooh burn, haha.)

6 equal Leona Lewis

Only the flower girls would care.

6 equal Jennifer Lopez

Same issues as Elton John, re: hating on your automatically inferior wedding, plus x1000000 attitude.

10 Barry Manilow

This is a joke, right?

11 Rod Stewart

Lou and I came to a consensus, having Rod there in person to sing the cheesy serenades and then start rockin' out as the night drew out, well, yes, that would be pretty awesome. As long as you kept all leggy blondes off the guest list, things could go just fine.

12 Duran Duran

They could be good to come on for the second half, once everyone is properly pissed and just wants to dance like munters.

Any other thoughts?