Portmans is a sinking ship

Posted by Bel. The time is 8.34am here in Wellington NZ.

I do love having the latest fashion news sent directly to my inbox. I don't love when it is filled with body dismorphia, cliched clothing and tacky writing.

The immediate clanger here is the obvious "enhancement" that has gone on with the image of the model on the bottom right.
Perhaps it is some snazzy move that I missed the week I skipped America's Next Top Model, but as far as I am aware, Tyra has not yet let us all in on a pose that instantaneously whittles your waist down to the width of your head. Practically miraculous, especially when you have two other photos of normal-sized waist to compare it to!
Overall, it was just plain disappointing to get a whole e-newsletter devoted to touting the joys of NAUTICAL. Nautical, you guys! Did you hear? It's in! It's in this summer! And do you remember last summer? Um, yeah - just like then! What's that? The summer before... uhhh... maybe?
Pardon? Ever since Jean-Paul Gaultier's debut collection in 1976? Or maybe since Gabrielle Chanel busted out a top she borrowed from the sailors of Brittany back in the 30s? Hmmm... interesting points. Fashion is know for being cyclic, but really, trying to act as if as there is a trend popping up when we've had nothing but blue and white stripes flung at us for season after season seems to be taking it a little far!
And it must be said, I love me a good pun [see: above]. This is a trait passed down from my mother, who is also a Scrabble champion and cryptic crossword queen. But "I heart bouys" is weak on so many levels. For one, it just draws my attention again to the fact that they are trying to act as if this whole nautical baloney is new and fun and exciting. 
It also taps into a pet peeve of the way mainstream fashion retail stores, which used to cater for women in their 20s with a professional focus, are aiming more and more towards the teenage market.
"I heart bouys" is the kind of lame-arse thing you might see mass-produced in Supre, a shop where the sizing alone lets you know that their target audience is people who have not yet developed mature hips and breasts. It's not a good fit with the usual 'wear it from work to the club' stuff that comes out of Portmans, and goodness me, not much upsets me more in the world than inconsistent branding!*

*Things that upset me more in the world than inconsistent branding:

  • That funding for evening classes has been cut and Education Minister Anne Tolley has suggested as the option for refugees to New Zealand who were using this as their way to become proficient in English, that they will now be allowed to apply for student loans.
  • That the food from Satay Kingdom in Left Bank is cheaper than the food from the Thai place on Cuba, but their portions are smaller and I always feel too stuffed after a Satay Kingdom laksa.
  • Murray McCully. I really hate that guy so bad.
  • Finally deciding to use a voucher and finding out that it has expired. Gahh!

4 thoughts on “Portmans is a sinking ship”

  1. Agreed agreed agreed. I used to rate portmans as being a shop for grownups. Last time in Welly a scant couple of weeks ago it sucked arse and even Glassons (Glassons!!!) had more wearable stuff for a nonprofessional but hoping to be again one day woman in her 30s...

  2. Hmph. My firm association with Portmans is "smart grown-up work clothes" (well, specifically dresses for a gal like me). In fact, I still have a couple of old Portman items in my wardrobe from pre-leaving-NZ (4 years ago!) that still get comment when I wear them. This stuff DOES NOT fit in with that and provides absolutely zero motivation to trek up to the far-reaches of Lambton Quay.

    [Actually, my association with Portmans now is that red dress we both coveted that I went in and tried on and which looked HIDEOUS - like HIDEOUS - despite seeming so promising. It was the classic example of an article of clothing being made without any consideration for what anyone above a size 10 will look like in it, and then being stocked up to size 18, and leaving them wondering why they are left with massive stock of 12+ for their sales...]

    I love how they say "polished and pretty" beside a photo of the model WEARING A SAILOR HAT as if WEARING A SAILOR HAT is a totally polished and pretty work look. And then say "for glamour add bold accessories" beside a photo of the model with... no bold accessories.

    I can't even deal with the waist thing after the traumas of these horrendous photoshop horrors:
    and this WORST EVER from Ralph Lauren.

  3. Ohh you guys - maybe that's it: it's for polished, pretty professional women in their 30s.... WHO ARE ACTUAL SAILORS!! And a size 10 with a deformed waist.

    I also have a theory that advertisting agencies have become blase about their work and are now moving into the field of abstract art - hence the bizarre creations that only slightly resembles a concept of the female form we are now seeing on billboards and on tv...