In which a Stuff poll doesn't infuriate me for once

Posted by Bel. The time is 11:17am here in Wellington, NZ.

Usually the polls on are along the lines of 'Is Megan Fox really the new Angelina Jolie?' with the options to click 'Yes', 'No', or 'I Don't Care As Long As They Get It OOOOON'.

But a few days ago, they had a topic close to my popcorn-scoffing heart: "Which behaviour is least acceptable at the movies?". Even the options to select from sensibly covered most cinematic grudge starter...

Using mobile phones
This is pretty high on my list. I've never been at the movies when someone has answered their phone in the midst, but there are dreadful rumours of such a thing happened. I hate it when someone has their phone on vibrate. Fuck! You can still hear vibrate! I will scowl (somewhat futilely) at someone's wee screen lighting up if it is on silent, but lordy me the tiny growl of a vibrating phone does my head in.

Discussing the plot
Depends to what extent.
Monmentarial whispered clarification = ok.
Continual mindless banter proving you do not have the intelligence capability to follow a film with 1930s intertitles = not ok.

Laughing at the wrong moments
Totally fine. We all have our weaknesses.

Kicking the chair in front
As someone of above average height and shoe size, I know that seating arrangements at a cinema can be at times less than comfortable. Does this gives anyone an excuse to wage warfare on another patron's spine? No. Sit still for fuck's sake.

Loud eating
In Transformers? Game on. I believe I even got into a burping contest after my 4th beer. But in anything where nothing is exploding, please be dignified. Open all that kai you smuggled in as quietly as possible.

Monopolising the armrest
Tricky situation. Usually it is a case of the person on your left has decided they want their right armrest, and the person on your right has decided they want their left armrest. Then you're pretty much fucked. Unless you can spark up some spontaneous hand-holding or something.

Amorous displays
Tolerable in the back row only. Sheesh, everyone knows that.

Clapping? Clapping? What could be wrong with that?? Perhaps coming from somewhat of a live performance background, I have no problem with the occasional outburst of spontaneous applause. I'm always so caught up in a movie I don't even think about it - not that I would stand up and give an ovation because of some awesome thing Mel Gibson said about stuff they could never take off us, but you know.

Are there any other pet hates they've missed?

4 thoughts on “In which a Stuff poll doesn't infuriate me for once”

  1. Ok, this is my point exactly: the two polls running today are 'Who is the sexiest man alive?' and 'How excited are you about the possibility of Pamela Anderson coming to NZ?'.


    (Answers: The man who shares/gives his choctop to me and doesn't want to chat during the trailers; and As long as she's not coming to promote a film, it's fine.)

  2. Mobile phone irritation extends to the person who doesn't have it vibrating or making noise, but just sits there in your peripheral vision texting so that your eye is drawn to their lit up phone screen and unable to concentrate on the cinema screen. Why are you even at a movie if you're not even paying any fucking attention??!

    Also, people who arrive during the movie (which means they are at least 20 minutes late, based on the average length of ads and trailers) and talk, giggle, make other people stand up to let them into a row, and generally destroy everyone else's enjoyment and concentration.

    I also hate people who laugh at dumb ads that they will have already seen 5,000 times before but suddenly find really engaging and funny coz they're on a big screen.

  3. I experienced extreme-cinema rage due to late arrivals during the Che screening. Somehow it is worse during the film fest, when generally people have booked far in advance & paid top price for a movie they may not get the chance to see on the big screen again.
    If you arrive late, scuttle dammit! and silently!

    I also wanted to smack upside the head the woman sitting right in front of me who persistently coughed throughout the film. So much so that an usher went and got a glass of water at one stage. (Not to throw over her unfortunately.)
    If you know you're sick then 1, STAY AWAY or 2, come prepared with evry stifling remedy possible please. Hearing you wheeze and bark does not actually add to the plot.

  4. Roger Federer

    Not really

    Oh wait...
    I'm all for hollering and shouting and making action movies fun - I believe that is what they should make you want to do. The first time I saw Transformers I just wanted shout out "Hellz yeeeeah Starscreams owns, bitches!!!" but felt the odd "WOOHOO" was adequate

    I think cellphones and talking are the worst. In fact, I think I wrote a blog about how much I hate people having to explain movies to other people so that is probably my least favourite.

    My worst experiences are the time people were drinking and yelling and walking around the cinema before taking another seat and lighting a joint, and after sitting through the full LotR trilogy only to have a security guard spend the last half hour of RotK walking around talking on his walkie talkie and jangling his keys. Given it was 7am - and Return of the muthafucking King! - you can imagine I just wanted to stab him many many times