How to write a letter.

| by Bel | 10.59am NZ time |

Know that you need to write the letter.
Someone will tell you that you need to.
Spend five years not writing the letter.
You think that you will write the letter.
Someone will tell you that you need to.
Think about actually writing the letter.
Congratulate yourself for these thoughts.
Spend a week not writing the letter.
Write an outline of the letter’s structure in your journal.
Spend another week not writing the letter.
Write ‘write the letter’ in your to-do list on today’s page of your journal.
Find a refill pad like you used to have at school.
Rip one sheet off and fold it down and down.
You now have the same number of folds as there are sections in your outline.
Write the title of each section at each fold.
Fill in the sections titled ‘Greeting’ and ‘Ending’.
Take your pants off so you are more comfortable.
Now all you need to do is write the letter.
Write the letter.
It will only take you half an hour. It feels like five years.
Write out a second copy which doesn’t have the folds and the titles.
Show it to someone.
Someone who knew you needed to write it but didn’t tell you to.
Tell them you don’t want to know what they think.
They will read it and say a job’s not worth doing if you can’t do it with your pants off.
Put your pants back on.
Put the letter in its envelope.
Send it.

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